thanks

Thanks so much for your emails and prayers! I've been blood free for a couple days. We have a ultrasound already scheduled on Tuesday, January 5th and my midwives didn't want to see me any earlier. Guess no one is as worried about what happened as I was. We're just continuing to cover this little baby with prayers of life.

We're getting back in the car for the long journey home tomorrow. It's going to be non-stop when we get back and I already don't feel like I had much of a "break." But back to real life we go.

And only 1 more week until we find out pink or blue!! Yippee! What is your guess. . .take the poll on the right. Thanks again for all the prayers!

a trip to the ER

Blood. It's something a pregnant person never wants to see.

But let me back up. We left Tuesday morning for our long trek to Texas. I was really crampy, but didn't think it was anything out of the ordinary because I've been feeling much crampier and stretched these days. Just different. We drove all day Tuesday and I must agree with Kimberly, don't ever stop in Arkansas for bathroom breaks if you don't have to. They don't care too much about their rest stops. We made it to Hope, Arkansas and after a greasy dinner at the Waffle House, spent the night at a cheap place that at least had a nice breakfast. We got on the road Wednesday at a decent hour and arrived at the in-laws around 3.

Fast forward to this morning. I got up and had breakfast and then decided to shower. And that's when I saw it. Blood. I immediately cried and then called the midwife back home. She thought it was probably from the long trip and being a little um *constipated* lately. But when it turned bright red, I yelled at William to get in the car and we headed (with Jackie, my mother-in-law) to the ER. They got us right in and up to a room.

Our nurse, Davillia, took at the vitals and then used the doppler. After a little pushing around, she found a heartbeat that was beating a nice 150 bpm. A few of my immediate fears were a little relieved. I realized how little faith I had that I was going to hear that little sound as we were driving there. Then the doctor came in and gave us a full workup. He did an ultrasound from the outside and inside and from that decided to not do another exam because of the blood and not wanting to cause any more irritation and/or risk for infection. He found some blood and also found that my placenta is lying really low. He gave me the diagnosis of partial/marginal placenta previa although he wasn't 100% sure that was the cause of the bleeding. I gave blood so they could confirm that I don't have a negative blood type and would need a Rogam shot. I'm O+.

So we left with a few answers. There is definitely a baby in there with a heartbeat. I'm still bleeding and we're not really sure why. I'm wishing I was close to my mom and my doctors but we're just praying a lot and will see our doctor as soon as we get back. I don't think any person could have told me with accuracy the amount of emotional upheaval this whole getting/being/staying pregnant process would be. Your prayers are so greatly appreciated.

And while you're praying, please lift up my friend Carissa. She was about 8 weeks ahead of me and found out this week that her baby died about 2 weeks ago. The baby is breech, so she will have to have a c-section. Just pray for her physical and emotional healing!

mommy guilt and developments

The mommy guilt has set in already. I'm sure it never ends, does it? So once I hit my second trimester, I decided to not be quite so strict with my intake of certain foods. But now I feel guilty. So this is my confession:
- I've had a diet coke.
- I ate a Jimmy Johns sandwich without warming up the turkey meat. I mean really, who wants to warm up their lunchmeat?
- I ate a ton of shrimp at our family Christmas eve dinner.
- I don't take my prenatal vitamin everyday. Most days, but I miss some.

Whew, I feel better getting that off my chest. Speaking of chest (I don't think I have any male readers, but if I do you can stop reading now), in the latest of baby developments, I bought my first C bra this week. Now before you tell me "just you wait 'till you have the baby" or "wait until you see how much they deflate after your done breastfeeding" or "when you buy a double d, let me know". . .let me just enjoy my first purchase of a bra that wasn't next to the training bras.

checking in

Not too much to report on, but here's a few details from life these days:

• We're all moved in to the condo, clothes are put away, and pictures are up! It's starting to feel a little more like home. And as much as we love having our own space, I kinda miss being in the "know" with my parents. We'll have to start going over there for dinner once a week to get caught up.
  
• My dad sent out an email to church officially letting people know that they're thinking and praying about planting a church in Peoria. We're definitely thinking and praying about going with them. Peoria in Summer 2011 anyone?
  
• I'm starting to feel a little more human these days. I've only puked twice this week, which is a great improvement and have actually been able to stay up later than 8 or 9!
  
• We really haven't thrown around too many names yet, but here's my PRELIMARY list. You can tell me how you feel about them. Of course, it's my kid, so I may or may not listen to your advice. All names are subject to change at any moment. :)
  
• I finished my two VLI finals which feels great! It's given me some more time to actually read some baby books on my list. Here's 2 of my favorites from this week:
  
  1. Baby Bargains, by Denise & Alan Fields. This book was recommended by several friends. It basically goes through every single baby product and gives you ratings for the products, if you really need it, and how to get it for a better price. Definitely overwhelming, but great to read before I start registering in Jan/Feb.
  
  2. How My Breasts Saved the World, by Lisa Wood Shapiro. A funny book about how breastfeeding can sometimes be a lot harder than anticipated. It was very realistic and yet very humorous.
  

Mrs. Pool is having a baby!

I told my kiddos at school today. I was thinking about waiting until after Christmas, but why wait? Here's how the conversation went:

Me - I have a really big surprise for you guys! I'm going to have a baby!

McKenzie - tomorrow?

Me - No, it won't be until first grade is done. For the rest of year, my tummy will be getting bigger. Right now I can give you tight hugs, but by the end of the year, I'll have to hug you from far away.

Nathaniel - Is it a boy or girl?

Me - I don't know yet, but when we get back from winter break, I will hopefully know.

Deandre - It's a boy.

McKenna, yelling at Deandre - No it's a girl that looks like me. (note: she is black)

Noah - Will be baby be really smart because it's in first grade all year?

And on it went. And then about 5 minutes later, it was old news and our new poem about Humpty Dumpty was way more exciting.

Oh what a great sound!

I will be honest that for the last three weeks or so, I've really thought that something was wrong. I had no reason to believe so, I'm still puking and my stomach is definitely starting to pooch out there a bit. But no matter how many times I've gotten prayer, I just felt like we would get to this appointment today and they wouldn't be able to find the heartbeat.

I'm so glad when God proves me wrong. We heard the heartbeat today on the Doppler! It was 154 bpm which is just perfect. I think this actually might be happening! Facebook announcement, here we come!

Baby Pool FAQ

The word has started to leak. So here are some answers to the common questions I've been getting:

1. When are you due?
June 9th or 10th (depending on which person you talk to)

2. How have you been feeling?
It could be worse. That's what I keep telling myself. When pregnant people told me they were tired, I would scoff. I've stayed up all night, I know what tired feels like. I HAD NO IDEA. I'm exhausted like I never thought possible. The last 10 weeks have been spent feeling very nauseous all day. The puking hour seems to be between 5 and bedtime. Morning sickness my butt.

But I will say that now as I'm entering the 2nd trimester, things are starting to get a little better. Food isn't looking quite so gross to me and I'm not quite as nauseous as I was three weeks ago.

3. Are you going to find out if it's a boy or girl?
William has been adamantly opposed to this from the beginning of even talking about kids. But I think I have him convinced. We'll be finding out in January!

4. Any feeling on which one it will be?
For some reason, we both are thinking blue.

5. Having any cravings?
I've mostly been avoiding food so far. Nothing sounds good. Oh to have this relationship with food all the time. :) But I have been drinking orange juice by the gallons. And lots of carrots. This baby must like orange foods.

God's Pretty Cool

Ok, let me just preface that I have not talked to this friend in a really long time. Over a year at least. She just randomly sent me this message today. I just had to smile. Even though it might not all come true, I love that God can use other people just to send words of encouragement. Here's what she wrote:

I know this email is pretty random, but I had a dream the other night that I just can't seem to shake, so I figure that maybe I should just tell you about it. Long story short... I saw you pushing a baby carriage with a brand new baby in it. I don't remember where you were, but you were so happy. Then the dream fast forwarded (or something) and you were introducing me to a little girl (who was probably 3 yrs old)... your daughter. She was so cute and you were so in love with her. I remember that she had dark brown hair and dark brown eyes... beautiful. You were so happy and proud of her. I'm pretty sure that the little girl would have been your first child and the baby was your second.

I haven't seen or talked to you in forever, but I think this dream was bigger than just being a dream. I'm not sure where you are with the whole baby making "process", but stay encouraged no matter what.

Goodbye Basement!

My parents have been so wonderful to let us stay with them while we're trying to figure out what do with our lives. But the time has come as Sophie has outstayed her welcome. :) I know, I know how can you not love this face? But somehow, I'm the only Hoerr that got the pet gene.

So onto the good news. William has a job! YAY! This has been a long time coming, but we so thankful none the less. He doesn't start getting paid until January, but has been working for this guy for about 6 weeks just to try it out. During this process, we learned that his boss had a condo that has been sitting empty just waiting for a great young couple to come rent it. Ok, not really. It's in a neighborhood where the median age is about 70 and renting is greatly frowned upon. But God gave us favor with the home owners association board and we were approved to rent it! The best thing is that it's free for us until January and then after that, it's a greatly reduced rent! While it's not my adorable little house on Fiddlesticks, it's not the basement! Since we really don't know what we're going to do with our lives after I'm done with VLI, it seemed foolish to buy something right now. So this is just perfect. We're still in SW Champaign so close to both of our jobs and close to the future grandparents.

A big shout out to my brothers who helped moved everything on their break. Note to self: always move while your pregnant. You won't have to lift a thing.

Thanksgiving!

With our big family get togethers, there's always the anticipation of someone making an announcement. Weddings and babies are pretty common in our huge fam. My creative juices were really lacking for this one, but I definitely wanted to do something at our turkey day celebration today. So I made this card for my Grandma and Grandpa. When she opened it, she did a perfect lead in. She got everyone quiet and then said, "I'm no pregnant." And then I finished with "but I am." It couldn't have worked out any better. There were a few tears and lots of hugs. I know that this baby is here due to the many prayers my awesome family have prayed over the last 2 years. I'm so excited that we're actually starting to let the world know! We are so thankful that this baby is getting born into a legacy of people who love Jesus.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

I know a lot of people are disgusted that there is Christmas stuff out everywhere and it's not even Thanksgiving yet. And I do think that Thanksgiving deserves it's due credit. But I couldn't stop smiling today as I was out and about running errands today. Maybe it was because I stopped to browse through the baby section at Target, but I think it was more because of the holiday music that has begun playing. And the Salvation Army bell ringers are out. And the Christmas lights that have started to pop up everywhere. I just love Christmas. I love the feelings and all the great memories this time of year conjures up in my head.

Each year, my family goes around the circle and shares the good/bad things from the year and the things we're looking forward to ahead in the new year. I am so thankful that this Christmas we get to say that we're going to get our world rocked in June. It's been a long 2 years that I've been waiting to say that!

Bring on the snow, the shrimp and cherry ginger ale at Grandma's, the fondue dinner with the fam, making fun of the tree my dad picks out, and all the other wonderful things that await us in this next month.

and it's growing!

Right after school today, we headed down for our 2nd chance to see our little bean. I'm pretty much still living in fear that something is not going to be right with this little person, so I was so glad for the chance to check on things. Most people don't get these early of chances to see their little ones, so I'm so very thankful!

We went right to the ultrasound techs and saw these amazing little images. Baby Pool is just about an inch, but has arms, legs, and a beating heart!




We also got a video! Check out the small moments and the heartbeat!

There's a baby!

There really is something in there!



Thank you so much for your prayers. :) We got the call about 9 that the emergency ultrasound was available. So we got quickly down to Carle and nervously waited with 3 other obviously pregnant women. The first thing out of the tech's mouth was there's the heartbeat. Yes, there were tears. The heartbeat was low at 99bpm, but she said that was normal for how early I am. I know we're not out of the clear yet, but seeing that little blob is making it a little more real. They said we will just be closely monitored and will be taking progesterone until the end of the 1st trimester. We really appreciated your continued prayers for this little bean!

not so great news

I am all for people that are learning a new profession. That's why I am going to have a student teacher this spring. But when my arm and veins are involved, I'm a little more cautious. I cut out right after school and headed to the lab for more blood work today. As the lady was getting on her gloves and preparing the needles, she explained that she was a student in training, but had done plenty of blood work and I didn't need to worry at all. She did give me the option of saying no, but I'm a trusting person right? The prick hurt a little more than normal and then really started to hurt. I looked down just in time to see blood pouring out of my arm, onto the chair, and of course onto my new jeans. She starts panicking a little and apologizing profusely. Her supervisor comes over to help clean me up and then gets another set of needles ready for my other arm. While the student cleans up my arm and chair, the teacher stabs my other arm and gets the job done. At this time, I start feeling a little woozy. I'm not sure if it was from seeing the blood all over, or the loss of 7 viles of blood. A glass of orange juice later, I was feeling like I could actually walk back to my car.

And that's where my funny nature ends. Tonight, I went with Lori to hang out with a bunch of girls at Buffalo Wild Wings. Right as we were getting seated, I got a call from Anne, the midwife nurse I had met with earlier in the week. She asked if I had a little time, so I went outside and prepared myself for the bad news. She said my beta numbers weren't doubling like they should. On Wednesday, they were 4801 and then 49 hours later they were 7240. So they're going up, but she said it wasn't as high as she had expected it to be. But the scary number was my progesterone is at 11. Now, I'm not quite sure what that means, but I can tell you it's not great. She gave me the long talk about preparing for a third loss. I'm getting put on a progesterone suppliment and will be taking off school on Monday so we can get in for an emergency ultrasound.

Please Lord, not again.

no GD!

Looks like doing weight watchers this past summer has really helped my blood work. No gestational diabetes! Bring on the pickles and ice cream! My beta number was 4801. That probably means nothing to most of you, but that's where is should be right now. I think I'm about 21 days past ovulation and according to The Beta Base, the average for most women around this time is 1214. So my number looks great! Although a single beta number doesn't tell you a ton. They want it to be doubling every 48 hours. So I'll know more after my lab work tomorrow.

1st appointment

Today was our first midwife appointment. I am so excited that they are not labeling us high risk, despite the 2 miscarriages. So we get to use the midwives. I've only heard really amazing things about the midwives from so many of my friends, so I am so excited that we get to use them! For our family, going with the midwives for our care and delivery is a great fit.

Today, I just met with the midwife nurse, Anne, who was fabulous! I drank the thick sugary orange "soda" while we went over piles of papers about future testing, the classes I should take, and foods I should eat/not eat. She was super encouraging.

I then went down to the lab and gave 7 viles of blood. I am NOT a fan of needles, but I survived! I'll get my gestational diabetes results tomorrow and then I go back on Friday to give more blood to make sure my beta numbers are doubling. This is the time where we found some problems last time, so I'm more than a little nervous. And my sis has diabetes, so I'm scared about that too. But I'm trying to stay positive that the 3rd time is going to be the charm for us and this little bean is going to stick!

Maybe the 3rd time is the charm?

So I am going to be one of those people. The one that starts a blog just because of a big life change that's about to happen. But I've been wanting to dip my toe into the blogging world for quite some time now and this just seems to perfect. Plus, I can use the excuse that we have family spread out in lots of places that really deserve to see the pictures that are sure to come. :) At least I'll keep telling myself I'm doing it for them and not just because I like to hear myself "talk" on screen.

But check out the 2 little lines that changed our lives yesterday:



A little background of our journey to get here. Almost two years ago, we decided it was time to pull the goalie. :) I wasn't naive to the problems that so many of my friends have had conceiving or with miscarriages. With William being slightly more "mature" than me, we wanted to get a start on it!

Within a few months, we got our first positive on a pregnancy test! But in June, while I was up in Pentwater for our family vacation I had a miscarriage. William came up to get me and the doctor just said it was an early miscarriage for no real reason. So we jumped right back on the baby making wagon. We spent the next year charting and trying every cycle with no luck. Finally, after about a year my doctor said she was willing to try Clomid. In May, we found out that our first cycle on Clomid was a success! But at my 7 week apointment, we saw an empty sac. They said it just might be too early. But a week later, we saw the same thing. I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum. It's basically when your body thinks it pregnant. I was feeling sick, gaining weight, and the sac was growing. There was just no baby inside. They said they would give my body a few weeks to realize what was happening. Well, it didn't get the message, so on July 29th this past summer, I had a d&c in my 10th week.

During the next few weeks, we were really busy packing up our house and moving back to Champaign. We got all moved into the parent's basement and settled in as much as we could in the transitional time. William was still job hunting, I was crying everyday about my awful class and well, we were in the basement. Enough said right?

I called to get my referral to the reproductive health center here to start the process of getting to know a new doctor, etc. I was going on cycle day 50 something with nothing after the surgery and was starting to get a little anxious as we were waiting to start Clomid again. A few days before my appointment and on cycle day 62, I thought "maybe I should take a test, just to be sure."

I snuck a test out and low and behold, the 2 darkest lines of any of my previous tests came up immediately. I had a whole flurry of emotions. It wasn't as exciting as the first 2 positive tests. It was mostly worry. And come on people, we were in the BASEMENT.

But here we go. William and I have talked a lot about how we felt like we really were on infertile ground in Indiana. And not just for baby reasons, but for so many more spiritual reasons. And not to mention, we had to rent a jackhammer when we were planting the trees in our backyard. Yes really, a jackhammer.
Talk about infertile soil. And so as we have prayed that God would bless our decision to move back home and start over, we now are laughing at God's timing and sense of humor. A baby made in a basement. It will be a great story . . .someday. :)