33 weeks

Finally,  33 weeks (on Wednesday)!  Not gonna lie that this pregnancy has sure seemed like the longest 40 weeks ever.  Even during my short “feel good” weeks, they went slow.   I’m hoping the panic of how long my to-do list is will make this last stretch not seem quite as long as I think it will be.

Appointments:  My last 2 appointments have been quite annoying.  There seem to be more and more policies being put into place that make just getting a “normal, run of the mill” hospital birth really hard.  On Feb. 19, I met with Carissa for my 27 week appointment.  She gave me a hard time about my weight gain.  Really?!  First time that’s ever happened.  Now granted, I had gained 9 pounds from my last appointment, but really folks.  Weight gain happens.  Then, informed me that the specialist we had met with wrote in my chart that I needed to see an OB to be cleared to go back to the midwives.  AND DIDN’T FEEL THE NEED TO MENTION THAT TO ME.  I fought that one and got Carissa to agree that it wasn’t necessary.

Then I met with Ray on March 19.  He had two students with him which I always find annoying but feel too bad to say no to.  We chatted about ways to help my gbs test be negative so I wouldn’t have to get an IV this time around.  But oh, new policy, I have to get a heplock no matter what to go down to the 4th floor.  I know it’s not the end of the world, but it would be so nice to labor without a needle sticking in my hand/arm.
Baby Name:  Well, we are almost 100% sure of our name but since we haven’t announced it publicly yet, might as well just wait.  If you ask me in person, I have no problem sharing it, but I guess it will be fun to be able to share it with more people on the day he arrives.
Stuff I done for the man:  Hahahahaha.  I mean a whole lot of nothing.  Ok well I have lots of ideas but the our basement reno has taken all priority right now.  Also baby’s room had been housing the stuff from the basement, so I could barely walk into the room, let alone start decorating.  But the room got cleaned out this weekend and the painting has begun!  Here’s a little preview of the color scheme in his room.  The walls will be the aqua(ish) color with accents of  grays and yellows.

The trim, closet, and window right now are a cream color so my first job is to paint the trim white.  I decided to keep Ellison’s room the same and not move her out of her crib just yet.  I felt like Owen was ready before Ellie arrived and he got a big boy bed.  But she’s just now giving us more nights without waking (if you don’t count waking up at 5:15 ready to go)and I don’t want to mess with it.  So this baby gets new white furniture.  Here’s his crib (which has arrived but is not put together yet).

I have quite the growing list of things like a blanket, his coming home outfit, art for above the crib, mobile, nursing cover, updated burp cloths, etc that need to get finished in the next 10 weeks.   I keep telling myself it doesn’t have to be done before he gets here (as he’ll be in our room for the the first month) but let’s be honest – I’d love to have it completed beforehand.

In other news: Jenna has decided not to fly out for little man’s birth.  While I’m super sad to not have her beautiful eye taking pictures, it does relieve a little pressure of only have a 3 day window in which to go into labor.  So I’ve booked Holly Birch Photography to take pictures for me.  She does amazing work and is in town so she can come whenever the big event happens.  It’s been so great to not have to worry about snapping pictures and having gorgeous shots of the biggest events in my life!

How I’m feeling:  Like a whale.  Ok, it could be worse.  Just feeling the normal end-of-pregnancy things where you have 5 pillows in your bed and still can’t sleep and are peeing every 20 minutes.  But I’m also getting really excited that we get to meet him soon!

Pictures:
January 7 (20 weeks, 6 days) January 19 (22 weeks, 4 days)February 5 (25 weeks) March 30,2014 (32 weeks, 4 days)

It’s a . . .

healthy baby!!  I think I took those two words for granted with my first two babies, but we learned this time around how so important they are.

On Friday, December 20th, we loaded up the van with our bags packed for Peoria but took a detour to our 18/19 week appointment first with both kids in tow.  The ultrasound felt a little long, but I chalked it up to trying to wrangle two kids while in that small room.  Owen was pretty into it!  And then came the shocker. . .It’s a BOY!I wasn’t sad in the least but, I guess I just had really thought it was a girl because of how sick I was.  Seeing how excited Owen was made it very real instantly!  I immediately started imagining opening all of Owen’s tubs of clothes and getting to use them again.  Ohh the cuteness!So then we headed upstairs to my midwife’s appointment and the nurse said Ellen would be right in.  But then we waited.  And waited.  And in my heart I just knew.  Something wasn’t quite right. 

Several days after I found out I was pregnant, William had a very vivid dream that we had a baby who had down syndrome.  He told me about it immediately but we hadn’t really talked about it since.  Maybe it was simply a way of preparing us for this appointment and all the emotions that came with it.  When Ellen finally came in, she informed us that our little man had choroid plexus cysts.  It is one of the “soft markers” they use for downs and trisomy 18.  She reassured us that the chances of there actually being something wrong were very very small.  And we actually left the appointment with a lot of peace.

We drove to Peoria for Christmas and had planned on having my mom open a big box of balloons the next day when we all opened gifts.  She didn’t know we had our ultrasound moved up.  But when Owen was playing cars with Grandpa, he made a comment about having a brother and with a few more probing questions, my dad had it out of him and us.  So much for the surprise. :)  Oh well. On January 7th, we went back to Carle and met with a Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor.  She tech did a much longer ultrasound and then the doctor came in a basically did the same thing again.  Then we went to her office and chatted with her.  While she was nice, you could tell immediately she fell on the conservative side of medicine (a sentiment that has been verified by several people who have dealt with her and a midwife).  The detailed ultrasound showed no other markers or growth issues, so she felt we were pretty much in the clear.
She did offer us a newer blood test which is a 99% accurate screen for chromosomal issues.  William said he was fine without out.  But being someone who just likes information, and since it only involved me giving blood, I went ahead and did it on the way out.

The only super annoying thing that she was looking back through my charts and made me explain all the crazy that happened after Owen’s birth with my heart (see here).  After reading and listening, she said she was going to recommend me going back to the cardiologist.  Which I had already done after Owen and before Ellie’s birth.  She asked if she could schedule that and I said no but I’d be happy to chat with my midwives about it.  It just felt like she was looking for things.  Ugh.

But less than a week later, my blood results came back great!  While I know we could have handled what ever challenges this little man brought us, we are so so thankful that we are having a healthy baby!  Now to compromise on a name.

17 weeks!

How far along? 17 weeks last Wednesday
Baby: He/she's skeleton is changing from soft cartilage to bone and he/she weighs 5 ounces and around 5 inches long from head to bottom.
How I'm feeling: Hallelujah the puking is done.  Not gonna lie, that was the longest 15 weeks of my life.  It really felt it was never going to end and that the glory of second trimester would never arrive.  But literally, overnight I started to feel like myself. William acted shocked when he came home one day to dinner cooked and me not on the couch.  I had to laugh - I wasn't faking it dude.  That sickness is so real.  I'm very thankful that I have some great girlfriends who brought us dinner and watched my kiddos for me.  Even though I was swearing we were done with 3, after only 2 weeks of being puke-free I've already said "well maybe we could have 4.  It wasn't that bad right?"  And that my friends is how the world stays populated: baby amnesia.
Food cravings: After 15 weeks of saltines and milk (I’ve never drank that much milk in my life), it’s been nice to be able to stand the smell and taste of more food these last 2 weeks!  I’ve been craving shrimp, salmon, clementines, berries, and cream soda.  And can I just say that I’m thankful to be pregnant during the holidays?  It’s so nice to be able to eat it all.  haha
Feeling boy/girl:  Because of how I’ve felt most of the pregnancy, it’s hard to not think girl because I wasn’t sick like that with Owen.  Also from the beginning, Owen has said it’s a girl and sometimes I think siblings have a sense about these things.  But really, this time I HONESTLY don’t have a preference as I have the best of both worlds and have clothes for both. It would be so fun to pull out Owen's things again, but sisters in matching outfits and bows - be still my heart.
Last appointment:  I met with Ellen for a pretty quick appointment 5 weeks ago.  Baby's heartbeat was 163pm, so again, more consistent with what Ellie’s heart rate's were.  She wouldn’t let me schedule an appointment longer than 4 weeks out, so we won’t find out the gender of this little one until after Christmas.
Stuff I've done for baby: I’m just getting lots of ideas on the rooms.  I’m losing my craft room to this baby (but we’re gaining a basement finally – more on that later!).  I think I’m definitely going more vintage/eclectic for this baby which William isn’t 100% on board with, but I’ve always been in charge of nurseries so he doesn’t really get a say anyways. haha

And it wouldn’t be a pregnancy for me without already having purchased (cough cough) 2 new diaper bags.  In my defense, I sold 3 old ones, which was harder than I thought it would be.  I was surprised how I felt kind of attached to the bags that had gone everywhere with little Owen and baby Ellie.   I’ve wanted a Petunia Pickle Bottom bag since Owen but could never justify the cost.  So when my second choice,  a Skip Hop went on great sale, I grabbed it.

But secretly I still looked up PPB bags on ebay and other sale sites.  And then this print came out and I was totally smitten.  So I convinced myself that I will use 2 bags and watched and saved and watched and saved.  Thank you to all who’ve bought crafts from me. :) Before Thanksgiving this print was retired and I found it in several places for the cheapest I’ve seen it.  She arrived and I love her.  William’s buying me a matching little bag to go inside for Christmas.And a few pics: I'm at that stage where I can still wear a few of my regular pants and just look a little pudgier or wear maternity pants and top and look really pregnant.  Around 16 weeks:  

National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.  I don’t really need a day to help me remember this part of my journey to motherhood.  But I want to talk about it.  Do you know that 1 in 4 women experience a miscarriage in their lives, and yet it’s still a subject that so many people are quiet about?  And I wouldn’t have gotten through what I did without the help of other women who had also experienced the loss.

A few months before our first wedding anniversary, we decided to “pull the goalie” and try to get pregnant.  Within a few months, we got our first positive on a pregnancy test! But in July, while I was up in Pentwater for our family vacation I started to bleed and later that day, I had a miscarriage. I remember coming down to the great room where my family surrounded me and prayed for me.  I sat numb with a heating pad until William came up to get me.  The doctor said it was just an early miscarriage for no real reason that they could detect.  So while I was crushed, we started trying again immediately on my next cycle.  I thought it would happen as quickly as it did the first time.

But we spent the next year charting and trying every cycle with no luck. Finally, after about a year my doctor said she was willing to try Clomid.  After only one cycle on this and almost exactly a year after our first pregnancy, I saw this:I was cautious, but very very excited!   A couple weeks later I went for my first ultrasound.  I knew immediately but the tech’s face that something might be wrong.  The doctor told me that she could only see a gestational sac forming, but that it might be too early for her to see anything else.  The following week I went back for another ultrasound. This time there was a bigger sac, but still nothing in it. The doctor told me that I likely had a blighted ovum, but that she needed to check the following week to make sure. If you don’t know, a blighted ovum is when there is something that causes the embryo to simply not form, however the placenta doesn’t know and keeps growing as normal, so the body thinks (and acts) like it is carrying a healthy pregnancy when in fact there is no baby.  I was puking and gaining weight.

The following days were tortuous and I knew that this wasn’t going to have a good outcome. My suspicions were confirmed at my next ultrasound. Still no baby and my body still thought it was pregnant. I was devastated.  Not only was I miscarrying, but it had taken me over a year to even get here.  And with no “actual” baby in the sac, I wasn’t quite sure how to grieve.  I was given the option to wait to miscarry naturally or to have everything removed via an operation.  I waited for 3 weeks for my body to do it naturally, but my doctor decided in my 11th week that I needed to have a d&c, since my body obviously had no idea that it wasn’t really pregnant.  When I got home from having the surgery, not only did I feel empty and so sad, but I was in some of the worst pain of my life.    And then I had to untell people.  So many people either didn’t know what to say to me and it was awkward or they said the wrong thing that just made it worse.

So why am I sharing my story? It’s because when I was miscarrying, I felt so alone. I was sure that something was wrong with me and that no one could understand my pain. I was wrong. I confided in family and friends that I was miscarrying, and they began to tell me their own stories of miscarriage. I also went online and found a support group full of women in different stages of grief after their miscarriages.   I got prayer.  Lots of prayer. 

I just want you know know that if you have miscarried or have lost a child, you are not alone. You are part of a club that no one wants to join, but once you are a member, the support is overflowing. I also wanted to give you hope.  Mine is one of the stories that has a happy ending:  My two losses are a part of my life story.  It’s a story that connects me with many women in a way that I never would have had a chance to connect with.  I will patiently wait to meet my two other babies. I know that they are with Jesus. Happy and safe and perfect.
Thank you Jesus that you are good, all the time, even though we sometimes don't understand.  Thank you that despite the pain, our story leads us to Owen and Ellison.  I know that had I not experienced the miscarriages, I would not know these two amazing, wonderful children.  I pray today for the dozens of women that I know and so many others that I don’t and remember their sweet little ones who left Earth much too soon.  Bring hope and healing to their hearts.

What your friends {will} tell you about birth

I have 3 friends (well, one’s a cousin too) that are due in the next month or few with their first babies!  Since friends were VITAL to me in learning what really happens in and after birth, I thought I'd write them a little letter since these thoughts are still pretty fresh in my mind. .  If you don't plan on having children any time soon, you might not want to read this. :)

My dear Audra, Laura, and Lindsey,

I was just thinking about you three and those cute baby bumps today and thought I'd say hello.  I'm so excited for these journeys you're on and am so thrilled to see you all become mommas.  As I think back over the births of Owen and Ellie, I just thought I'd share a few things with you that have been passed down to me from my friends.  It's not the glowing, you're gonna love being a mom stuff.  Which is true.  It's great.  Fabulous.  Hard.  The best thing ever.  But this is the ‘you're gonna pee your pants every time you laugh for a year’ kinda stuff.  Mostly a few details about birth that aren't in the books.  Not all of it will ring true for you. But it's always better to be warned. :)

1. There will come a time in your pregnancy when you are DONE.  Even those women who adore being pregnant reach this stage.  And you will start searching Google for things like "how to get this baby out."  And you'll start taking long walks, and eating pineapple, shrimp, and spicy food and you may even resort to doing the thing that got you in this mess in the first place. :)  But I'm a firm believer in the fact that your body will do it when it's time.  I think these things work in hindsight because you're doing them at a time when your body was already ready to give birth.  But you'll still do them (all).  And don't worry.  The baby will come out one way or another.  The last few weeks of pregnancy drag by slowly and then you blink and your baby will be a month old.
2. Losing your mucus plug does not mean that labor is close.  You can lose it up to a month before you actually meet your babe.  I did lose mine in labor with Owen but have NO idea when I lost it with Ellie.
3. When you do start labor, sometimes you'll have vomiting and diarrhea.  Really, it just adds insult to injury at this point, but sometimes your body cleans itself out before the more intense part of labor comes which can be a good thing (see #5).
4. You will NOT get through childbirth with your modestly intact.  There's just no way about it.  From the minute you get there, someone will be looking and checking and sticking their hand up your vajayjay.  During your birth there will be a number of people in your delivery depending on the setting and circumstances of how you deliver. After birth, and during your stay in the hospital the nurses will have to evaluate your perineum and bleeding; even more strangers looking at your "private parts". Not so private anymore... and there goes your modesty.
5. And speaking of modesty, in all honesty you will likely poop when you push. The muscles you're using are the same ones you do on the toilet.  So if you're pushing correctly, you will poop.  Yes, it was slightly embarrassing, but trust me you'll get over it.  And the nurses/doctors/midwives don't bat an eye (well, your photographer might).  They've seen it all.
6. Babies aren't always pretty when they're born.  They're usually pale blue or gray and sometimes have misshapen heads from their exit.  Poor Owen was so purple.  Sometimes their sweet little faces are swollen or bruised.  They're covered in blood, amniotic fluid, and vernix.  But don't worry.  You'll think they are the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.
7. You will use about 1/10th of what you pack for the hospital.  There are tons of lists out there, but all I really used were my boppy pillow, a comfy outfit to go home in, 2 outfits for the baby, my toiletries and my camera.  Oh and chapstick for your dry lips and lanolin for the sore nipples.  If you have a baby book, pack it for them to put their little foot prints in!  But really, you don't even need to pack underwear because you'll be wearing these fabulous mesh granny pants.  Speaking of those, steal everything you can from your room.  It's already on your bill, trust me.  Every diaper, paci, huge pads, and those great underwear.  Take it all. 
8. Unfortunately, once your sweet baby is born, the poking, prodding, and pain is not quite done.  You still have to push out the placenta, which while annoying, is nothing compared to what you just pushed out. Once the placenta comes out, any tears that you may have will need to be repaired. After the delivery of the placenta, the nurse will need to evaluate your bleeding closely. Every so often a "fundal massage" will be performed to push out any blood clots that remain in your uterus and prevent excessive bleeding. I put this term in quotations because the word massage implies that this is a comfortable thing. In fact, a fundal massage is when the nurse, midwife or doctor basically jump on your uterus to get it to contract. Ouch!  And that first week of nursing will also cause some painful uterus contractions.  But just remember it’s helping everything tighten up.  Bwhahaha, tighten up.  I mean yes, it’s all going to go back the way it was.  Hahahahaha.  Sorry, let’s move on.
9. May God bless you to be one of the ladies that doesn't get hemorrhoids.  I wasn't so lucky in this department.  I actually had them through most of my pregnancy and for about a month after birth.  Stool softeners, tucks pads, preparation H, and the good stuff they give you at the hospital will be your friend.  Even peeing can be a bit 'stingy' after birth!
10. Speaking of pee, expect to do it for months following birth after you laugh or cough.  Those muscles just aren't the same any more!
11. And while we're talking pee/poop, just in general it will take a good ten minutes to use the restroom.  You'll have to go ever so slow, change those monster pads, hold yourself up while praying you don't poop, apply your various creams, and then spraying yourself down with your little squirt bottle.  It will feel like you're in there for an hour. :)
12. Nursing is hard.  I’m sure if you’ve done any reading, you know this.  But really, it hurts and it’s not just second nature.  You have to work at it.   Your boobs will become about the size of footballs around a couple days after birth (different for everyone).  Warm showers and cool washcloths are a big help.  Don’t worry, the crazy porn star boobs will settle down in a couple days.  Just keep nursing.   Tickle their upper lip with your nipple and then when they open, shove your boob in.  Yes, it seems like your suffocating your baby, but that’s how you do it.  Keep at it.  Ask for help.  It gets easier.  And while not everyone likes it, there are those of us who really LOVE breastfeeding.  It’s one of my favorite things ever! 
13. Ok other mommies, what I am forgetting to tell them? Share away in the comments!

I love you ladies and cannot wait to meet Baby W, Baby P, and Ellery!  You are all going to make awesome moms and these babies are so lucky!

Ellison Jakeh's Birth Story

I just love birth stories. And I really cannot stop thanking God for the birth story that I get the privilege of writing right now. I'm not going to leave out any details and there's pictures of almost every stage. So this is your warning. If you don't want to see, just read the below short version!

 The edited/super short/not any fun to read version:  
Wednesday, April 18th

• woke up with contractions around 4:30 am
• dropped off Owen at Anne's at 9:00
• appointment with Ray at 9:40 where he checked me/stripped my membranes and my water broke
• walked over and got checked in at the hospital
• got my dose of antibiotics for being GBS+ on the 10th floor
• Jenna arrived
• walked down the 4th floor
• parents arrived and they all ate Jimmy Johns while I was being monitored
• got in the tub at 12:15
• Ellison Jakeh Pool is born into the water, completely naturally at 2:12pm
• she was 20 3/4" long and weighed 8lbs, 9oz (one ounce smaller than Owen)
• We fall in love.

The non edited/no details left out/it's a long read/makes me cry version:  
Birth preparations
I've had a lot of excitement and peace leading up to Ellie's birth.  I love thinking back to meeting Owen for the first time.  And especially since all the heart stuff got resolved with relatively little drama I really felt God's hand on what was going to happen, good or bad!  I spent tons of time reading natural birth stories and while there are some cooky ones out there, I tried to just focus on the main themes that kept coming up in the women's stories.  Things like something going wrong in their first birth that was a source of inspiration to get through this one (me being 'taken away' from Owen), water, wanting to feel everything, and lots of prayer.  I found myself praying lots over other women's birth stories.  Great friends who didn't get an opportunity to even TRY natural childbirth because of a variety of reasons.  What great inspiration to at least try to do this.

Tuesday, April 17th
Tuesday night was girls night for our awesome small group. I figured it might be the last time I see the outside world by myself for awhile, so I was excited to go. We ate at El Toro and despite the longest serving time I've ever had with Mexican food, the conversation was great with lots of baby talk (sorry to Rachel and Deanna)! The gals joked that I should just have a margarita since it was D-day! We went to Jill's afterward where I had a nice glass of wine (hey, she was fully cooked) and more good chatting.

Jenna flew into Bloomington and 9 and my dad picked her up and took her back to Peoria for the night. Only now have I started to hear how crazy most people thought I was for flying her here and just hoping things would work out time wise. And while yes, I prayed lots about this and had concern, I think I always just thought it would work out. (thank you Jesus)

Wednesday, April 18th
So I'm not sure if it was the Mexican food or wine or probably just God, but at about 4:30 I started noticing that I was having more than just gas pains. William had gotten up early and Owen was snuggled in bed with me after trying to get up at 3. I noticed the pains were coming kinda regularly so I got out my handy contraction app and sure enough, they were coming about every 7 minutes for about 30 seconds. I just stayed in bed, trying not to get my hopes up, and cuddling my little guy. I may have teared up thinking it might be his last day as an only child. I texted William downstairs and let him know he may not be going to work today.  How did people have kids before iphones? :)

Owen and I got up around 6:30 and we all just took our time eating breakfast and hanging out. My contractions were still pretty steady, so I started the barrage of phone calls. Since my go-to neighbor was still out of town, I called Anne D to give her a heads up about maybe having to watch Owen.  I called the midwives to ask if I should just keep my appointment with Ray that I had at 9:40.  They said as long as I wasn't progressing too fast, just come to the appointment.  Jenna, my mom and dad were going to wait until after the appointment for directions on when to come.  I took a shower, shaved my legs, and did my hair!  Haha.

9:00am
At about 9, we dropped Owen off with Anne.  I cannot tell you how thankful I am for her!  She just loved on my little guy all day since my dad ended up staying with us, instead of picking Owen up as planned.  We took a couple pictures and gave Owen lots of hugs and kisses.  At this point, I was still walking and talking through them just fine.

our last picture as a family of 3

We arrived at our appointment and met with Ray and his student.  He checked Ellie first and said she was looking great, especially for likely being in labor.  He asked me if I wanted him to check me and strip my membranes.  He checked me first and said I was a stretchy 4-5cm.  Woohoo, already half way there!  He warned me that when you get your membranes stripped, there's a chance of your water breaking.  I said I knew that, but little did I expect the next minute feeling the gush of water.  Ray commented he was wearing nice pants and got out of the way just in time and then said "cleanup on aisle 4."  I asked the student if she'd ever seen that before and we laughed that she was witnessing all new things here.  Ray got me a towel and sent me off the hospital with best wishes for a good labor.

I made my way leaking over to the 10th floor at the hospital.  I had to stop a couple times, but overall was still feeling like these were super manageable contractions. When we got the 10th floor, they were scrambling to find a place for me.  Every room was full.  I quickly said that was ok, because we were headed down to the 4th!  They never questioned this. Hallelujah.  My nurse Krysteen was the same nurse I had with Owen.  She was FABULOUS!!  Cannot say enough great things about her.  She took me to a recovery room which was already being occupied by another lady waiting for a c-section.  Krysteen got all the paperwork started, got me monitored, and inserted my heplock in my arm.  It was nice not to have it in my hand and she said we'd just wrap it in saran wrap and I wouldn't have to wear a glove.  Yay!

11:00am
Jenna had decided to drive on over as to be early as opposed to late.  She arrived around 11, just as we were getting ready to head down to the 4th floor.  They got a wheelchair, but I walked down just having to stop a couple times to breathe through contractions.  We introduced ourselves to Ellen, the midwife on call.  Wouldn't you know it, she was the only one I didn't see with Ellie.  But I will say now that she was AMAZING and the perfect person to help me deliver. 

I walked around a bit and sat on the birth ball when my parents arrived and they all ordered Jimmy Johns for lunch.  I got monitored for another 20-30 minutes where I realized I really hated laying down on the bed.  I asked if I could get in the tub as soon as monitoring was done.  

Ellen made fun of me as I brushed my hair several times before getting into the tub.  She laughed that I was 6cm and doing my hair.  I told her if she saw my hair for my first birth, she'd be worried about it too.  Ahh, instant relief when I got in the tub.  Not totally take away the pain relief, but it helped a ton.  Here's where I spent the next 2 hours until Ellison was born. 

For awhile, it felt good just to be submerged, laying on my side.  I'd grab William's hand for contractions, but still had a nice good break between them.  I tried to just turn to mush during these breaks and just completely relax. 

I remember still being able to talk occasionally and heard Jenna and William doing their share of goofing off.  My mom and dad continued to hang out in the room.  You could tell my dad really wanted to stay instead of getting shipped off to babysitting duty.  So thank you again Anne for making that possible!

Ellen asked if I wanted to lights lower, and then they turned on the weird red lights.  Jenna made it clear that I would hate the pictures.  I was closing my eyes anyways, so I told them to turn the regular lights back on.

my nurse, Krysteen in blue and Ellen in purple

With Owen, I really only wanted William to hold my hand.  But during the next hour or so, it helped to be on on my knees with William putting pressure on my lower back.  It was interesting that he had to keep pushing lower and lower as she made her way down.  I knew we were making progress.

 

Occasionally, I would get back on my legs or up on my knees and try to give her room to move down.  Work with me gravity. :)  I tried hard to stay "in the zone" and again really appreciate the small breaks between the pain.

They got me a couple pillows that could go in the water. I really appreciated being able to put my head down on something soft.  Things were starting to hurt pretty bad at this point, but I still felt pretty in control as long as William was giving me counter pressure and I reminded myself to not tighten or tense my muscles and let my body do what it was supposed to do.

At 1:12 (an hour into being in the tub) Ellen asked if I wanted her to check me which hadn't done since being with Ray.  I said yes.

This is not me pushing.  This is me being checked.  OUCH.  That business hurts.  Just adds insult to injury at this point. :)  I was around 8 and she could feel her head.  I remember feeling discouraged by this and thinking it would never end.  (little did I know the next 2cm wouldn't take that long).

Ellie looked good the whole time

Ellen reminded me that changing positions was good so I tried to go from back  to all fours, etc.  But it was getting pretty difficult.  I gave William and my mom instructions to write down times and quotes so I would have them document.  I stayed pretty quiet for the most part, but around this time I did say  "Oh wow, why did I do this" and "this was so much more fun with the epidural."  But looking at the times I said this, she was going to be born in about 15 minutes.  It's so true that when you want to cave and give up, it's almost done!

I vaguely remember them getting bustling around and getting gowns on and things out and thinking that had to be a good sign.  It also was feeling really good to start pushing and bearing down towards the end of a contraction.  Ellen asked if I was doing it or my body was doing it and I couldn't quite answer her.  I was pretty sure it was just me, but she said that it wouldn't hurt anything to push a little.  I remember looking up several times at Jenna who had a thoroughly disgusted look on her face.  I had warned her that I had eaten Mexican food and did not poop ahead of time. :)  Even I was a little concerned about the poop, but really when you're in that much pain, you really don't care about Ellen scooping a few things out of the tub.  (I told you I would tell you everything).

Within minutes though, I experienced my body pushing without any help from me.  It was all I could do to not curl up around her and push.  My one leg was pulled back close to me and kept hitting the jacuzzi buttons, causing the jets to go on.  I yelled "turn off the jets" not realizing it was me doing it.  So William had to hold my leg back a bit to keep that from happening.  I remember yelling at my mom to get in there.

 

I pushed for about 15 minutes.  It was the most incredible (and the most awful) feeling in the world feeling her come lower and then slowly out.  Pushing out the biggest poop of your life doesn't even begin to describe it.  Ellen said later that she was crowning for quite a while (that being relative considering I pushed for such a short time).

 I don't really remember feeling the "ring of fire" people refer to, but it all pretty much felt like fire, so I don't know if I just didn't pay attention to it.  I reached down once to feel her head, but it broke my concentration.  Her head finally emerged to much relief and then Ellen got right down in there and it felt like she was pushing her back in.  I remember yelling, maybe at her to stop?  Little did I know that Ellison had her cord wrapped pretty tightly around her neck and Ellen was just getting it undone. 

 Then, with one more big push, she came out!  What an amazing feeling and so incredible how the immense pain is just GONE.

They lifted her out of the water and onto my chest, looking quite purple.  But with a couple little rubs of the towel, she let out a great cry.

 Ellison Jakeh was born at 2:12:30pm and I fell instantly in love.

this one is nice and cropped so you don't see the water

 

 

 

 

 

We sat in the tub for awhile and waited for her cord to stop pulsating which took a bit.  We just cuddled and kissed and marveled at her long fingers and toes.  Eventually, William cut her cord and she became an independent little girl, free from the cord that had given her life the last 9ish months.

again, bad cropping.  sorry jenna

They wrapped her and I handed her to William.  Then we made the precarious journey from the tub to the bed, with the cord still dangling. :)  Within a couple minutes back on the bed and a good push later, I delivered the intact, huge placenta.  Yes, Jenna got a picture and yes, William touched it.  Gross and gross.    Ellen checked me out and said I had one tiny little tear, but said it would heal better and faster without a stitch.  Amen to that sister! 

Everyone came back in the room, they weighed and measured her.  8lbs, 9oz and 20 3/4", just one ounce less that Owen.  Kristy must have been feeling only part of her head, telling me she was likely a 7 pounder.  Maybe that was good motivation though thinking she was going to be smaller than O? She got lots of hugs and kisses and then latched on perfectly for our first session of breastfeeding.

 

And we became a family of 4.

 

While yes, we may have made fun of what my dad wrote on this board, this picture sums up this experience in it's entirety.   I really just cannot thank my "provider" enough for what a story he gave me this week.  A story I cannot wait to share with Ellison as she grows up.  God cared about the little details such as Jenna arriving, me getting a full nights sleep, and he gave me strength to get the birth I had dreamed about possibly having. I am a changed woman from this experience.  There really are no words you can type when talking about meeting the life God formed inside your womb for the first time. 

Ellison means "my God is the Lord."  And what better a story to prove that God really is in charge.

 

Thank you God for this story and how you've woven this new chapter into our lives.  Thank you for trusting us with this new little life.  Help us to teach her how to pursue you and the call you have on her life.  Help Owen feel cherished and not replaced.  Expand our hearts as we start the journey of raising two children.  Thank you for being a God worthy of being trusted and for proving yourself faithful a million times over in the birth of our little girl.